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kamianyaMe? Do a meme? Normally, wouldn't, but this one, taken from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ultimatepsi and nyren, struck a note and seemed worthwhile. (Also, to both of you, read and acknowledged.)
Basically, an "invisible illness" is loosely defined as any pain condition that can't be seen visually by others. Crohn's Disease is a typical style medical condition that isn't visually obvious to anyone, but I hear tell the cramps and burning and vomiting can all be quite trying when it's 3 or more times per week every week for your whole life. A less typical one might be Autism, where visually you look like everybody else, but internally the high pitched tone a TV makes, the whine of fluorescent lighting, the reek of cologne, the excessive saltiness of all foods, is enough to make each day a full-frontal terrorist attack on all of your senses, which only adds to the daily confusion of a verbal world you have to re-symbolize into pictures in your mind's eye before you can comprehend it. Invisible illness is no joke when you live with one everyday, and you get stigmatized for it by anyone who chooses to believe "it's all in your head".
So, in support of Invisible Illness Awareness Week, I am proud to bring you
1. The illnesses I live with are: IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), ADHD, and general anxiety disorder
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Something like 5th, 6th grade for ADHD, high school for IBS, and only this summer (and not actually officially yet...I'll be making an appointment when I have time >.<) for GAD
3. But I had symptoms since: For the IBS, only about when it was diagnosed. The GAD, all my life, but it's been getting worse. ADHD, as long as I can remember.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Dealing with what used to be only occasional bad pain but has recently become almost constant, and realizing that needing to go back on ADHD meds to get through grad school while also realizing the GAD did not make me pathetic.
5. Most people assume: Honestly, no clue. Anyone want to tell me?
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Pain. Other than that, mornings have been pretty damn good lately, especially since I've gone back on ADD meds.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: I don't watch medical shows at all.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Has nothing to do with the illnesses, but my computer.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Oh dear, where do I start? First of all, I have slight insomnia. This insomnia comes from the mixture of the ADHD and anxiety. So, sometimes, I have a need to check on my debit card, my ID, and my car before I can sleep...which often will strike just as I'm finally about to fall asleep. If I have something that's a big stress, night is when I'm most likely to obsess. But the worst part? When I get an onset of what I call the "I'm so pathetics," or when I get a onset of sheer lonliness. And the latter can lead to the former. I'd rater not go into those...if you've been around me during an episode, you know.
10. Each day I take: regularly: 1 ADD pill, often some allergy meds, often some IBS pills and/or Ibuprofen, and recently a nose spray.
11. Regarding alternative treatments: Yet to be treated for the anxiety, and no clue whether I'll be doing much talk therapy or not. I was off ADD meds for 4 years during all of college. I probably would have done much better with meds, but I did well enough to get an assistantship at my first choice gradschool. There are definitely coping strategies that do help.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I don't know. Never having had a visible one?
13. Regarding working and career: The ADHD meds have been a miracle. My procrastination is down, I'm ahead of the game...without them, I can't get work done without deadlines, and self imposed ones don't work at all. I've learned to deal over the years...but especially at first, after heading to private school, there was no way.
14. People would be surprised to know: I am typically a happy bouncy person. I HATE whenever I'm not. I hate breaking down in front of other people. And being around friends can typically delay or outright stop a bad moment. So while many people have likely heard me complain, or heard about this stuff, most people have never seen me in one of my worst moments. And I feel stupid complaining about feeling slightly depressed or over emotional or extremely lonely at times when I know I have friends with serious depression or who are bipolar or who have things worse than me. But I do have severe moments, likely about once a month, and I know what it's like to feel like a total and complete failure, or to feel completely alone...and I'm gonna stop before I put myself into one of those moods. Also, no clue if anyone knows about the pain part.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I likely would fail out of gradschool without meds, and that this worrying thing is not actually normal. At the same time, realizing there's a cause is a relief.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Get ahead of the game and actually follow self imposed deadlines.
17. The commercials about my illness: Are there any?
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I don't think there is anything that actually relates to a diagnosis and not to completely outside sources (such as GAD coinciding with start of gradschool and so less time to do things)
19. It was really hard to have to give up: The belief that I had freed myself of a need for chemical help. But god, so glad I managed...
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Plenty, but none dealing relating directly to the diagnoses.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Normal? The only one of these I know what it's like not to have is the stomach pains, and while it's way annoying, it hasn't stopped anything...
22. My illness has taught me: That sometimes meds do need to be the answer, but that taking them is perfectly understandable, normal, and nothing to be ashamed of.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: I don't think there are any dealing with these illnesses...although I have plenty of other things non related. I guess when people assume that the bouncyness is all there is to me.
24. But I love it when people: Accept me, insanity and all. And especially when they make me laugh.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: ....I have no idea. Do I even have one?
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Learn what you can, find out the options, and figure out what works best for YOU. Most importantly, you are not deficient or lesser in any way if you need meds or therapy, and things will be okay.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How many other people have invisible illnesses.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:lightgamer, seriously, I can never thank you enough for all the times you've kept me company when I needed to pick up meds, or given me the hugs I really needed to get through a night, or let me just be around when I needed someone. I miss you.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: There are so many kinds of different invisible illnesses, and someone who doesn't share often may feel overlooked. I have no clue how many people might be really surprised to see me participate at all in this, but I'm sure there are some.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Acknowledged. Please, if you read this, respond? I almost never get responses to posts, even when I plead for them, and that often makes me feel fairly neglected and overlooked and lonely. If I end up feeling that way due to this, it would be kinda ironic, I suppose, but I'd rather not think I made the wrong choice in deciding to post this...
...and that was far more emotional and draining to do then I expected.
Well, time to return to reading >.
ultimatepsi and nyren, struck a note and seemed worthwhile. (Also, to both of you, read and acknowledged.)Basically, an "invisible illness" is loosely defined as any pain condition that can't be seen visually by others. Crohn's Disease is a typical style medical condition that isn't visually obvious to anyone, but I hear tell the cramps and burning and vomiting can all be quite trying when it's 3 or more times per week every week for your whole life. A less typical one might be Autism, where visually you look like everybody else, but internally the high pitched tone a TV makes, the whine of fluorescent lighting, the reek of cologne, the excessive saltiness of all foods, is enough to make each day a full-frontal terrorist attack on all of your senses, which only adds to the daily confusion of a verbal world you have to re-symbolize into pictures in your mind's eye before you can comprehend it. Invisible illness is no joke when you live with one everyday, and you get stigmatized for it by anyone who chooses to believe "it's all in your head".
So, in support of Invisible Illness Awareness Week, I am proud to bring you
1. The illnesses I live with are: IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), ADHD, and general anxiety disorder
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Something like 5th, 6th grade for ADHD, high school for IBS, and only this summer (and not actually officially yet...I'll be making an appointment when I have time >.<) for GAD
3. But I had symptoms since: For the IBS, only about when it was diagnosed. The GAD, all my life, but it's been getting worse. ADHD, as long as I can remember.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Dealing with what used to be only occasional bad pain but has recently become almost constant, and realizing that needing to go back on ADHD meds to get through grad school while also realizing the GAD did not make me pathetic.
5. Most people assume: Honestly, no clue. Anyone want to tell me?
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Pain. Other than that, mornings have been pretty damn good lately, especially since I've gone back on ADD meds.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: I don't watch medical shows at all.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Has nothing to do with the illnesses, but my computer.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Oh dear, where do I start? First of all, I have slight insomnia. This insomnia comes from the mixture of the ADHD and anxiety. So, sometimes, I have a need to check on my debit card, my ID, and my car before I can sleep...which often will strike just as I'm finally about to fall asleep. If I have something that's a big stress, night is when I'm most likely to obsess. But the worst part? When I get an onset of what I call the "I'm so pathetics," or when I get a onset of sheer lonliness. And the latter can lead to the former. I'd rater not go into those...if you've been around me during an episode, you know.
10. Each day I take: regularly: 1 ADD pill, often some allergy meds, often some IBS pills and/or Ibuprofen, and recently a nose spray.
11. Regarding alternative treatments: Yet to be treated for the anxiety, and no clue whether I'll be doing much talk therapy or not. I was off ADD meds for 4 years during all of college. I probably would have done much better with meds, but I did well enough to get an assistantship at my first choice gradschool. There are definitely coping strategies that do help.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I don't know. Never having had a visible one?
13. Regarding working and career: The ADHD meds have been a miracle. My procrastination is down, I'm ahead of the game...without them, I can't get work done without deadlines, and self imposed ones don't work at all. I've learned to deal over the years...but especially at first, after heading to private school, there was no way.
14. People would be surprised to know: I am typically a happy bouncy person. I HATE whenever I'm not. I hate breaking down in front of other people. And being around friends can typically delay or outright stop a bad moment. So while many people have likely heard me complain, or heard about this stuff, most people have never seen me in one of my worst moments. And I feel stupid complaining about feeling slightly depressed or over emotional or extremely lonely at times when I know I have friends with serious depression or who are bipolar or who have things worse than me. But I do have severe moments, likely about once a month, and I know what it's like to feel like a total and complete failure, or to feel completely alone...and I'm gonna stop before I put myself into one of those moods. Also, no clue if anyone knows about the pain part.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I likely would fail out of gradschool without meds, and that this worrying thing is not actually normal. At the same time, realizing there's a cause is a relief.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Get ahead of the game and actually follow self imposed deadlines.
17. The commercials about my illness: Are there any?
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I don't think there is anything that actually relates to a diagnosis and not to completely outside sources (such as GAD coinciding with start of gradschool and so less time to do things)
19. It was really hard to have to give up: The belief that I had freed myself of a need for chemical help. But god, so glad I managed...
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Plenty, but none dealing relating directly to the diagnoses.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Normal? The only one of these I know what it's like not to have is the stomach pains, and while it's way annoying, it hasn't stopped anything...
22. My illness has taught me: That sometimes meds do need to be the answer, but that taking them is perfectly understandable, normal, and nothing to be ashamed of.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: I don't think there are any dealing with these illnesses...although I have plenty of other things non related. I guess when people assume that the bouncyness is all there is to me.
24. But I love it when people: Accept me, insanity and all. And especially when they make me laugh.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: ....I have no idea. Do I even have one?
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Learn what you can, find out the options, and figure out what works best for YOU. Most importantly, you are not deficient or lesser in any way if you need meds or therapy, and things will be okay.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How many other people have invisible illnesses.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:
lightgamer, seriously, I can never thank you enough for all the times you've kept me company when I needed to pick up meds, or given me the hugs I really needed to get through a night, or let me just be around when I needed someone. I miss you. 29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: There are so many kinds of different invisible illnesses, and someone who doesn't share often may feel overlooked. I have no clue how many people might be really surprised to see me participate at all in this, but I'm sure there are some.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Acknowledged. Please, if you read this, respond? I almost never get responses to posts, even when I plead for them, and that often makes me feel fairly neglected and overlooked and lonely. If I end up feeling that way due to this, it would be kinda ironic, I suppose, but I'd rather not think I made the wrong choice in deciding to post this...
...and that was far more emotional and draining to do then I expected.
Well, time to return to reading >.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 09:42 pm (UTC)Maybe say hi to me sometime? Fairfax is boring, I miss talking to my friends up in MA.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 10:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 12:31 am (UTC)K and I are around alot, and would be happy to see you, so let me know if you want company while in Albany.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 04:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 02:19 am (UTC)That said, this may not be the place to post it, but I think this whole grad school thing is totally awesome, and I often wish I had the courage to pursue linguistics beyond Brandeis.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 04:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 07:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 12:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 01:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 01:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-18 07:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-21 02:59 am (UTC)Anywho, I'm really glad to know that you're doing well in grad school. I have a lot of school/financial issues that I'd rather talk about privately. They aren't all that important as compared to other things though. One thing I wanted to talk about with you was how my sister has recently joined the Israeli army. Yeah... Although it has slowly been happening, seeing my sister with a gun and in uniform on Facebook has pretty much sealed the deal on not getting her back. She has just been a different person ever since she went on Birthright. I don't even know if the person I knew as my sister even exists anymore. Anywho, I'll talk more about that with you later before I get all weepy.
I'm glad to have read this, even though I've gotten so tangential in my comment because of things I've wanted to say to you and lack of my own meds. I really hope things go well for you and am happy to hear that you're hanging in there. Also, we should talk or hang out sometime. Oh, and shannah tovah~! ^_^
no subject
Date: 2009-09-26 06:47 pm (UTC)